Consultant

John 20:23:

Whose soever sins ye remit,
they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain,
they are retained.

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Victimization

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I find that this issue is hidden through self-deception. Some people I minister to can say they have been victimized because of actual wrong acts against them. So they stay in that victimized state. We need to shake that off. A person who is holding onto victimization is holding onto the past. This person is holding onto unforgiveness and waiting for absolution - that will never come - well, not in the way they expect it. We are to let go of every sin that so easily besets us and run the race (Hebrews 12:1). We can't run carrying a bunch of this junk! This session is to help you identify your own condition (not other people's condition) and to gain understanding in this area for freedom! There are some, unfortunately, that don't want to give up their victimization because they use it for their own gain. We aren't going to address those individuals, we are going to address those who want to be set free, healed and delivered. Victimization causes problems in relationships, at work, and with ourselves. It can even produce health issues because fear and stress is apparent.

I've listed several manifestations of a person who has been victimized. If you display any, this is not to condemn you, it's to help you see what is in you so that God can cleanse and heal you. Isn't that why you are at this Website in the first place? So, hold on and let's see what God will do.

 

Anyone who experiences any of the following has a victim mentality:

  1. Needs to justify self to others
  2. Needs to prove they are OK
  3. Needs to be understood at all costs
  4. Complains about everything
  5. Never really satisfied, finds something wrong
  6. Looks for other people's mistakes
  7. Sets on taking care of themselves but lets people know they are all alone
  8. Making sure everyone around them thinks well of them
  9. Whatever others do for them, it's never quite enough
  10. Expects out of people what they "think" they deserve (an "everyone owes me" mentality)
  11. Low self-esteem and self-image
  12. High self-image
  13. Self-pity (no one understands and their plight is the worse of all)
  14. Their situation is unique
  15. Compares their sufferings to others - thinking no one's is worse than theirs
  16. If some one never went through their exact situation, they won't listen to counsel
  17. Self-hatred, self-conflict, guilt and shame
  18. Feeling worthless and insecure
  19. Needy (People avoid them because after visiting with them they feel drained.)
  20. Pushes away possible relationships - clinging and controlling (as with needy)
  21. Wants to tell their whole story, looking for sympathy and pity
  22. Blaming others - not taking responsibility - because after all "I'm the victim"
  23. Self-righteousness, pride and arrogance- sometimes religiosity
  24. Idolatry (putting one's feelings above everyone elses)
  25. Cannot receive love
  26. Gives love conditionally (with self in mind)
  27. Has self on their mind all the time, "What about me"
  28. Fear of letting others get ahead of them
  29. Talkative
  30. Looks for approving glances
  31. Everything that happens is about them (i.e. when they walk into a room, they think everyone was just talking about them)
  32. Turns everything inward. "Takes things personally."
  33. Wants to be justified and validates their feelings
  34. Wants everyone to know how much they have been hurt - tells their story to anyone who will listen
  35. Defensive and abrupt
  36. Very suspicious - thinking people are out to et them
  37. Talks about their "good deeds

This is only a brief list of the fruits of individuals who have been victimized. Victimization doesn’t only mean being attacked physically, it means emotionally, and spiritually.  And it may be that you weren't attacked at all, it means that there are things in our hearts that has to go! The things described about reflects a "deeper" issue, an issue of not being loved perfectly! (Be sure to go back over the teaching on love and forgiveness.)

I believe that most people have been victimized in one way or another. If you identified with any ONE of these, then it’s time to get to work. And for those who can name off several people off the top of your head that demonstrates these things - judge not, remember, when we see something in others, it's because it's what we have ourselves.

Even if only one of the above rings true for you, remember, one lump can leaven the whole lump. A person who has been victimized cannot see their own condition – it’s always thinking it’s someone else causing them their problems. Victimization is something that many won’t believe they have, and that’s the problem. Until we realize we have these traits and a victim, we will struggle all our lives with ourselves, others, and especially with God.  Why?

A victimized person is in a constant state of blaming someone. It’s “Everyone’s fault” they are the way they are.

In ministry, I find that when I share some truth with them about their lives, they don’t comprehend a word, but continues where they left off with their sad story. They don’t “see” that they have a responsible part in all this. Some may admit that they blame people, situations, but don’t think it’s their job to get out of it. They think that someone needs to come along and fix everything.  So because of this, they inwardly blame God and accuse Him of not being the God they ‘expected’ Him to be.

Self-pity is largely part of this. Self-pity causes us to get stuck in the past. Each time someone has self-pity, I would imagine their thoughts have been on what has happened to them. It then is the breeding ground for depression, anger, jealousy, strife, fear, discontentment, self-deception, blame, denial, judgment, critical, controlling, lying, justification, etc.

Every person ministered to along these lines are confused about “why” they are sick, or “why” bad things are happening to them, “why, why, why.”  A person who asks “why” all the time, is not looking for answers. They are looking for someone to “fix” everything like magic. This person doesn’t want to see within themselves that it’s they themselves that are preventing good things from happening to them. And I bet by now you have this scripture memorized:

Jeremiah 5:25 “Your sins and iniquities are withholding good things from happening to you.”

Victimized or not, we withhold good things from happening to us.

So what are OUR sins and iniquities as victims? 

A person who does not forgive is a person who thinks, “If I forgive them this lets them off the hook, and they owe me big time.” This person wants complete justification and gratification of seeing the person get what they deserve.

And deeper this person falls into more victimization. It becomes stronger and stronger and now they cannot even “feel” any longer.  They get “numb” to everything and everyone, thinking they are better. The truth is they are not better, they are worse because now the Unforgiveness has dropped down into their spirit and become hardened iniquity. Only to fester and stew until they decide to repent.

Once a person sees what is in their heart, which is the first step to any healing, they need to take responsibility. Responsibility for what?  We need to pick up our bootstraps, and stop blaming the past, present or future for our own situations. Sure, perhaps someone caused a lot of heart ache – that is not to be discounted at all – but it’s time to get on with life. By taking responsibility of your life today and what you will become, you are on your way to restoration. As Christians, we are no longer victims. Even though things happened to you, you are responsible for this day forward, and we are to follow after our Savior's example. To love and forgive those who despise you, who hurt you, and who use you. (Matthew 5). So we don't have any excuses any longer, do we?

Justification:

Let’s look at justification. The Bible says that God is Just. If this person doesn’t think they have been justified, they blame God here too. They demand justice for their pain! But not one can provide that justice, especially if a person’s pain came from long ago. (I’m not talking about illegal acts, I’m talking about relationships.) If a person feels unjustified, they are calling God a liar. Let’s just say it for what it is. The TRUTH sets us free. We need to see what we are thinking, we need to face what we are thinking, and we need to take responsibility for what we allow in that thinking from this day on.

Did you know that if this was a perfect world and this person’s “abuse” was justified by a court of law, and gratification was completed, this person would find something else to feel unjustified about? It will never end, because this spirit DEMANDS to be justified. The problem is, it never will!!  It’s a spirit; it’s his nature and will do nothing else.  This has to GO! This mentality has to stop!

A victim’s secret desire is to see those that have caused their pain suffer as they have. But that is completely contrary to how Jesus would have us respond.

Luke 9:54-56 “And when his disciples James and John saw this, (talking about people who did not receive them) said, Lord, would you command fire to come down from heaven and consume them? But Jesus turned to them and rebuked them saying, Ye know now what manner of spirit ye are of, for the son of man is not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.” Jesus came to save men’s lives not destroy them. The very people that have victimized you are the same people God loves! The very people, who don’t agree with you, are those whom God has compassion for. AND when we desire to see bad things happen to those who we think deserves it, is coming from a “SPIRIT.”  Jesus’ desires for all men is to be delivered, set free, healed as you. There is no respect of persons with God. All men are equal in His sight.

Luke 6:27-35 “Jesus said to love your enemies and do good to them, which hate you.  Bless those who curse you and pray for them who use you. And if anyone hits you on the cheek, offer the other, and if any take away your cloak, give him your coat also. If anyone asks for anything, give it to him, and don’t ask for it back! But love your enemies and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again, and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest, for He is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.”

Jesus demonstrated in his own life how to respond to being victimized. I see that he was the most victimized of any person on this planet!  Yet he didn’t “take on any sins!”

Jesus looked at every life as valuable. We too need to look at every life as valuable. I know why He asked us to love our enemies, as Luke 6:27-35 says, because He loves everyone and wants us to love everyone.

At His last breath He said, “Father forgive them for they no not what they do.” He loved and forgave the very ones who committed Him to death! And here we are, not willing to stand anyone who says an unkind word!

We need to come to terms that justice only comes from God, and whose to say what that justice is for them?  So you need to lay all that aside, cast those thoughts of “revenge” out of your mind, and begin to live as Jesus taught.  He wants you to love those who are hard to love. Forgiving those who you think shouldn’t be forgiven. He knew that by doing this, you save both yourself and those around you from much heartache and pain.

So What do I do?

As outlined in the “forgiveness” session, you need to forgive, which includes being forgiven. A person who has been victimized does have sins to confess!  They are “retained” sins. (John 20:23) For example, when a person has been raped, the sins retained (what you took in) are: hate, rage and anger, fear, rejection, shame, embarrassment, unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, self-pity, selfishness, worthless feelings, guilt, to name a few. These are the “sins” that are retained from that abuse. So it’s clear that any victimized individual will have sins and iniquities to deal with. These are they, which are preventing good things from happening to you. (Jeremiah 5:25 and Isaiah 59:1-2)  Then as you see your part, and receive forgiveness, you can see clearly now to forgive the abuser.

This doesn’t mean that we are saying what a person did was right, it means we as victims need to make a decision to release them to God. We do that by forgiving. As long as we hold onto any resentment or anger or unforgiveness and bitterness this person will remain a part of our past, connected to us, putting a block between God and them for God to do a work in their lives. After all, God loves them too and wants them healed. Once we forgive them, they are free to God. But as long as we hold ties to them with Unforgiveness, it doesn’t leave much room for God to move in their lives.  And, we won’t be able to love as Jesus taught!

God is the avenger, He repays. NOT US!  When we get that out of our heads that we will see “justice served” it will help us move into the life we so desire. The Bible says that all evildoers will be cut down, but it’s not for us to “see” that take place! That is also sin.  The Bible tells us not to be glad when we see someone who was evil get his or her “just desserts.”  That is pride and arrogance on the victim’s part. (Proverbs 24:17 says not to rejoice when an enemy falls.)

Let’s see how Jesus coped with being victimized. He said not a word to His accusers! He never tried to justify Himself to others. He knew He was the Son of God. He knew why He was there. He knew what the future held and what He was going to be doing. He had no fear what “men would do unto Him.” He was victimized, yet without “retaining” any sin.

It’s time to stop trying to get people to pay back something they can never pay! It’s a black hole, never to be filled. You can stop this vicious cycle by:

  1. Recognizing God loves you. Ask for God to help you get a revelation on His love for you.
  2. Recognizing that you have been victimized.  Accepting the fact that you may never see that person(s) sins against you justified in your eyes. Realize that you are not going to repay anyone. Understand that God is your portion, nothing else will satisfy.
  3. Recognizing the things you believe God has allowed in your life that you feel was wrong, and confessing them to Him. Be honest. We need to recognize what we have been blaming God for.
  4. Take Responsibility.  Decide today to stop the cycle of wrong thinking and wrong “needs” to be happy. Decide today to stop blaming your past and God for your current life. But look toward the future, with new hope.
  5. Confess your sins. Receive forgiveness for your sins. (This is the most misunderstood part of confession. Many confess, but they don’t “receive” forgiveness.  You replace those sins with God’s love by receiving!  If you aren’t sure what your sins are, refer back to this session.  Ask God to help. 
  6. Then decide today to work with God to stop allowing those old thoughts and sinful acts against you to dwell in your mind. II Corinthians 10:5 say to take every thought captive and cast down all imaginations that exalt itself over the knowledge of God. Anything that does not bring you peace or comfort is not of God! Replace old thoughts with truth. Every time an old thought tries to come back, tell it “You are a liar, God loves me, He is my avenger, He is my provider, so you have to leave devil.”
  7. Keep on keeping on.  You may have to do this 50 times a day, and for some time. Depending on how deep your victimization was. But the end will come, and you will be free!  In freeing yourself, you are freeing others. Your heart will change toward people, they will change toward you. You will not attract people who see you as a victim, you will be free. You will be at peace. Your life with God will be restored. That is the promise!

(Refer to the 8 R’s to freedom in the book “A More Excellent Way” by Pastor Henry Wright for more information.  For this book, contact www.BIH.org)

Join this Prayer if you desire healing in this area:

“Father God, what an awesome privilege to be able to come to you about everything. How joyful I am to know you care about every detail in my life. I realize that I have felt like a victim, but no longer. I recognize my heart condition and realized that I have been keeping you from really blessing me. I confess my sin of Unforgiveness, rage and anger, bitterness, self-pity, accusing, blame, jealousy, strife, fear, discontentment, selfishness, self-deception, denial, judgmental, critical, controlling, lying, justification, confusion, wantonness, self worthlessness, bitterness, retaliation, unbelief, resentment,  (continue naming others that come to mind). I now RECEIVE forgiveness Father. I thank you for forgiving me and filling me with YOUR truth and love. Replacing those sinful ways with all you are. Replacing those thoughts with your thoughts. Cleanse me and purge me today Lord and continue keeping me clean in this area. I am not a victim any longer and will no longer blame you either. I will accept what has happened in my life and trust you in all things. Let me keep my mind clean Father by casting out every thought that is not of you. Help me Lord. Help me to believe I do not need to “see” someone pay for my problems. I release them to you. Help me to forgive them Father, completely and once and for all.  In Jesus name, Amen.”

Once you have prayed this, go back to the “forgiveness” session and identify those individuals in your life that you feel have been the ‘cause’ of your pain. Follow-through and watch God do miracles in your life!

Prayer from God’s heart to you:

“My child, I love you. Receive my love. I have seen all that has happened to you. I am sorry that you felt I left you and abandoned you in your life. I have not. These things happened because there is evil in the world, but I have overcome that evil. Trust me now. Believe that I have every detail of your life before my eyes. Rest in me, take comfort knowing I “know” all things that has happened to you. I am just and good, it may not seem like it at times, but that is the truth. Believe in the truth only. Forgive those who have hurt you. 

Forgive yourself. Let my love penetrate those areas that you have closed off from the world. Open your heart to trust me, I will NOT fail you. Remember Job? He said, “Though I slay him, yet will he trust Me.” He knew that no matter what was going on around him, all things will WORK TOGETHER EVENTUALLY for good. And as you know, it did. He was restored of all that was taken, and more besides. This is in store for you, but you mustn’t give up hope.

Continue hoping in me, for your redeemer draws nigh. Fear not to see what is in your heart, these things I see already and they don’t surprise me. Open your heart to me, and let’s get out what needs to be pulled out for you to obtain that perfect peace you so desire. Your peace can only come when these things are pulled out. Let me work in your life, don’t’ struggle any longer. I will never leave you alone, remember that.”

 

How Do I live with a person who has been victimized?

As you have read through this, you will now see that this person is not doing it of their own accord.  Even Jesus said, “You know not what spirit you are of.” (Luke 9:54-56) Paul Said, “It’s not I but sin in me that does it.” (Romans 7) We need to realize that this person has not clue ( in most cases ) why they are the way they are. These individuals are “high maintenance.” This means that you know that when you are around them long enough you feel “drained.”  And it’s true, they are so needy, that they will suck the life right out of you because of the emptiness they have that DEMANDS to be filled!

So what do you do?  First thing we need to do is forgive them.  Jesus put it wonderfully, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Because it’s a fact that those who have been victimized cannot see within themselves clearly.  And by forgiving them, allows God to work IN them!!!  You may be used in the process, but know that God selected YOU in their lives to do this.

This person needs to be loved.  II Corinthians 2:5-11 says that by forgiving and showing love to someone who causes us grief, we are helping them come out of their “much” sorrow, and not only that, we are saving ourselves from the attacks of the devil! 

John 20:23 say that if we don’t forgive others, we get their sins! To love means to overlook their offenses, and their “sins” won’t become a part of us. 

As we “do” what I just shared, the Lord gives you what you need to be in relationship with that person, especially if they are in your household and you cannot get away from them. You will actually have compassion toward them instead of contempt. God will cause you to have peace and what they say or do won’t affect you any longer.  Our main objective as believers is to love everyone – even the unlovable.

Just look how Jesus dealt with people -He was kind to the unthankful and evil. (Luke 6:35).

REMINDER

I will remind you at the end of each session to stop and reflect on what you have learned, not rush on to the next teaching before it has had time to really do a work in your heart. All head knowledge is only going to cause you to be top heavy! We need to allow time for the seeds planted to grow and take root into our hearts. We not only need the "knowledge" but the understanding. Understanding gives revelation, and revelation makes it a reality in our own lives. Not just head knowledge, but heart knowledge that changes us. By doing this, you are "receiving." We not only need to "know", we need to "believe and receive."

Praising God is crucial to having all you learn take permanent residence in you. We remain in peace when we are strengthened in our spirit and that happens when we thank the one we are doing all this for.

And lastly, all work and no play is not scriptural. If you become overwhelmed or "heavy" spirited, stop and take a breather. It reminds me of flooding. If the water comes too quickly it doesn't have time to absorb into the soil, causing flooding and all that water is wasted. But if the water comes softly, and just enough that the ground absorbs, then it does great good!

To return Back.

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