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Deuteronomy 15:2:

And this [is] the manner of the release: Every creditor that lendeth [ought] unto his neighbor shall release [it]; he shall not exact [it] of his neighbor, or of his brother; because it is called the LORD'S release.

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Co-Dependency and Soul Ties

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What is Co-Dependency?  The Webster’s Dictionary says it perfectly, “A psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition.”  Pathological means: altered or caused by disease, the structural and functional deviations from the normal that constitute disease. Deviation from an assumed normal state of something nonliving or nonmaterial.

Soul-ties is not listed in the dictionary, but it means we have tied emotionally to another. Soul-ties can be good or bad. We can have soul mates with our spouse because we have become one flesh. But soul mates and soul-ties are different. Soul- ties is detrimental to a relationship and causes others to control us.

So in layman’s terms:  To be co-dependent (or have soul-ties) means we allow someone else (a person who is sick or unstable) to control and manipulate us to do things we would rather not do.

We can be co-dependent to people we know or with people we don’t know. It can be anyone who uses actions, words or gestures to get us to do what they want. We can actually become co-dependent to about anyone and any thing.

Let me share some examples:

We hear of co-dependency with people who are addicts to alcohol and drugs. People who are co-dependent tend to protect, lie, and enable the one to stay in their junk by not being honest and truthful with them or those around them.  We often take on the responsibility of these individuals to clean them up, but what we are doing is taking on their “junk” which causes emotional destruction in our own lives.

Co-dependency can also be with people you don’t know.  For example, we can become co-dependent when we drive our cars.  If you see someone behind you tailgating, some of us would respond to that.  Either we will go faster or slow down.  Either way, their actions caused us to respond incorrectly.  We’ve made soul-ties or became co-dependent to them.  To not be co-dependent is to allow others the freedom to do whatever they want without it affecting us to make decisions one way or another.  (If we respond in retaliation, we took the bait, and now we’ve become co-dependents of that person.)

I supposed you can think of many areas in your life where you have co-dependency.  I had it with my son.  I felt responsible for his happiness and was trying to do everything in my power to make him happy.  However, it didn’t work at all.  It only caused more hurt and frustration and even pushed him away further.  I’m no longer co-dependent with my son.  He has a life to live.  Decisions to make, and results to bear.  My job in anyone’s life is to pray that God lead and direct them in all truth.  My job is to love people regardless of their sin or sins toward me, or even their thoughts toward me.  My job is to forgive all those who offend.  My job is to have compassion to all men, with patience and longsuffering. 

Co-dependency does not do this.  They take on the person’s “stuff” themselves and it becomes theirs to carry too.  We stay connected emotionally to a person, even when they are long gone.  Sometimes we may think of them and feel bad, angry, controlled, hurt, fearful and bitter.  We are still “tied” to them emotionally.

So what is the answer?  We need to break the soul-ties and co-dependency.  It doesn’t mean that we will not have the person in our lives any more, it means we will not allow them to control us any more.  Isn’t that freedom? And you do this by forgiving them from your heart.

When you are finally free, you can actually forget to call someone on their birthday and not feel “guilty” or feel “bad” that you didn’t call them.  We feel bad or have guilt when we “think” what their response will be, we are being controlled by what we THINK they are going to think, say or do!

Question:  Can you think of anyone you have soul-ties to or co-dependent with?  Make a list of them.

How to break the ties:

  1. If you had at least one name, it's for certain you are tied to them emotionally.
  2. Pray God break the co-dependency and soul ties off you in Jesus name.
  3. Pray God replace it with love and peace and dependency on you, no other, and restore the relationship correctly.
  4. Forgive the person you are feeling co-dependent toward, and receive forgiveness for your own part in it. Be sure to forgive from your heart - refer back to the forgiveness teaching if needed.
  5. Then cast OUT the spirit of control, manipulation and defilement. Ask for God’s love to fill you with His love and truth, and release you from any co-dependency and soul-ties.

Prayer for you:

Father, this dear saint (and yes, you are a saint) and I come before you recognizing the need to sever all wrong soul-ties. We are not to be controlled by another's actions, facial expressions, words, or manipulations. We desire to respond to individuals the way you desire us to, not because of co-dependency. So Father, I break my soul-ties with _______________________(name them) and ask you to restore our relationship properly. I release them and I ask you to release me from them as well. They are free to be and do all they desire, hope or ask for, just as I do. Help us to be free from each other's control and manipulation. I break the ties now in Jesus name. I thank you for forgiving me, I forgive them. I thank you for restoration and healing in my heart. I thank you for giving me a healthy attitude toward them. I ask you to help me have proper love and compassion toward this person, but no longer take on their "junk" to cause me to respond in a way they desire. I want to respond in your way Lord, yours and yours alone. I thank you for showing this to me. Help me to continue to forgive those who tend to control and manipulate me, this way I will remain free from wrong soul-ties. Thank you for your love, I ask you to flood my heart right now with love and compassion for them and for myself. I forgive myself now in Jesus name for allowing things to have gone on so long. But I receive forgiveness, today is a new clean day. I give you all the praise Father God. In Jesus name, Amen."

Remember:

This teaching may take some time because you may have many individuals to take to the Lord. So give yourself time. You don't need to rush through this part, and above all, rest. Take these things in slowly, and don't fear the feelings that may come up. It's only God cutting away what needs to go. Hold on and go for the ride.

 

To return Back.

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